Wow!
That's all I can say! I hope my honestly will somehow minister to your heart the way He has ministered to mine!
Over the past several weeks, I have felt God trying to change my heart and I have been resisting. I pushed it off as exhaustion, frustration, big changes in our lives and even anger. All these could have possibly been a component...but my issue what not situational-but spiritual. As I started this new Bible study of Philippians I was excited to see how God was going to work within me. A new group of ladies, a few hours alone and a new study and chance to grow in my relationship with Jesus. I am enjoying all those things, but as I am studying Paul, I have had some major head scratching moments with myself and with Jesus. Do I have see everyday "interruptions" (melt down in the store, car battery dying in the school pickup line-I will address this in a minute, a simple stop during laundry to show affection to my spouse, playing trains with my son, or snuggling and reading with my daughter) as a chance to minister? Do I have a single-minded goal in life? To make much of Jesus. No matter my circumstance or situation. My purpose to is make much of Him and trust and rely on Him. Do I allow simple things to steal my joy? Do I daily look to Jesus as my model of humility and really display it to those around me? And then this week really rocked my world. I have to participate and cooperate with Him to really experience what He has planned and purposed for me. Did you get the cooperate part? "Christians who are not walking in willingness obedience to the Lord often grumble and complain about their circumstances."...this is where my husband would say "amen." The Lord has been trying to grab my attention and change my attitude. Not that I have been having some major attitude where someone would say "jeez what's her problem," but just the subtle attitude that slowly nips at heels and hearts. (isn't that how Satan works best?) Well after much thought and gentle nudging by the Holy Spirit working in my heart, I have came to the conclusion that God simply wants to circumcise my heart. Deuteronomy 30:6 says "And the LORD your God will circumcise your heart and the heart of your offspring, so that you will love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul, that you may live." Okay...so think about that for a minute. Without being crude think about circumcision. It is simply removing old skin and exposing the raw. It is a personal & permanent sign of what has happened. As God's child, that is what happens within our hearts. Attitudes, complaining, frustrations, anger....all these are a matter of the heart. God has simply been wanting me to strip those things away and allow Him to mold me into something better...something set-apart. To rely on His strength and power.
On days like yesterday for example. My morning with Eli started with a melt down over pants...yes pants. It was a rainy and very chilly day here in NC. I was being a good mom and dressing my son appropriately for the weather...then it happened-the meltdown. Eli and his little will (that we are praying for God to help us with) refused to wear his pants. So after a few minutes of battles of the wills, he had his little rear end lit up and the pants were on :) so off to the store we go. I grab groceries, grab lunch, take lunch to Josh, rush to the school pick-up line and sit. As I'm listening to Christian radio and getting caught up on facebook...Eli dozes off to sleep-YES! My thoughts were to let him sleep and carry him in at home and have some quiet time with Hannah talking about her day. Well as the pick-up starts to move, I go to start the car. NOTHING! Okay..so at this time my lip starts to quiver and I'm on the verge of losing it. I mean nothing...no hazard lights to let the angry parents honking their horns behind me know to just go around me. Seriously people...go around me! So I unstrap my sleeping strong-will child with his pants on and we walk in the pouring rain to the little guy with his walkie talkie and that's when I lost it. He gave me a mint and told me to "hang in there and wait in the office." So I then proceed to the gym where I see Hannah's teacher-who really is such a blessing. She just smiles, grabs Hannah and tells me to go see the new baby quails that just hatched in her room. We walk to see the new baby birds and then up to the car we go...yep cars lined up behind my car like its really going somewhere. So my little family is sitting in the car waiting on Josh and I realize I still have groceries in the trunk...that won't open! Josh comes with an extra key thing..."thing" because I don't really have a key. We get the truck open, get the jumper cables, and yes my little "start engine" button works and off we go. I go by the Nissan dealership and find out that I need a new battery. Yes, yes Mr. Nissan man I do need a new battery. A new battery for my daily life :) As I sat in the lobby watching my kids play I realized that I'm simply rushing through life for no reason. My rotten attitude about pants, my husband not appreciating lunch (which he did appreciate-again my attitude), or even a dead battery. It really didn't matter at the end of the day. My car has a new battery, the groceries got put up and life went on.
Today as I sit I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted off my shoulders! He has placed me right where HE wants me. To be broken and spilled out like an offering, so He can pick up all the pieces and make me what He wants. Sure there will be more break-downs and bad attitudes, but I know who I belong to and what He wants from me. To love Him and allow Him to pull away all the old skin that crowds out my heart and lay it bare and raw before Him.
If you have never heard this song search and listen to "Brokenness Aside" by All Daughters and Son.
I am a sinner
If its not one thing its another
Caught up in words
Tangled in lies
You are the Savior
And you take brokenness aside
And make it beautiful
Beautiful
My prayer for myself and for you is to allow God to take those broken areas and make them beautiful!
Have a great day!
Our family
